Saturday, April 26, 2008

Farnsy' Bringing the Heat: Part I

For this weekend, we have an exclusive guest poster to Through Your Earpiece. New York Yankees pitcher Kyle “The Razor” Farnsworth, who is a great friend of mine has agreed to submit some of his personal thoughts in order to boost notoriety of our blog. I want to thank Kyle in advance for his generosity in sharing what its like to be a professional athlete. Without further ado, here is what Kyle sent me:

It’s been a pretty tough week here at Farnsworth central. First my roommate, teammate, and best friend, Shelly "Ginsu" Duncan, was sent down to Scranton because old man Girardi is scared to put his power swing into the lineup. At least Torre would put Ginsu in the lineup and promptly fall asleep in the dugout. The Compound just isn’t the same with empty Dunc's bunk-bed. I haven’t been able to sleep much because it’s just so darn lonely, good thing I’ve got my stuffed teddy to keep me company. Who is going to help me shaving cream Abaladejo's stuff in the clubhouse? He’ll be back soon though and the Crash Brothers will be better than ever. To make matters worse my elbow gave out on me from throwing too hard. Apparently throwing a 95 mph change-up to go wth my 101 fastball is too much wear and tear on my body, or at least that’s what those kooky team doctors say, but what do they know? All I know is FARNSY’S BRINGING THE HEAT on each and every pitch. Cuz if you ain’t throwing hard you ain’t throwing at all. It's just a minor injury so I'll be back in that 'pen BRINGING THE HEAT! Then there's the golden-child, Joba, who got interviewed by Erin Andrews. The finest sports reporter since Howard Cosell. She may be perfect in all ways Razor likes his women: white, blonde, tall, and white. BOOYEA! If I were you, Joba, I'd take her out to The Reservation and show her why we call you "Chief!"

It’s not all bad in Razor's world though, so don’t you guys be worrying about me. After being relegated to mop up duties in meaningless games recently, I'll be back bringing the heat thanks to Bruney being a giant bitch, unable to play through pain. Season ending surgery? Grow a pair you mama's boy. Playing time here I come. Then there's that LaTroy guy. That guy freaks me out with his weird voodoo dolls and strange pre-game rituals. He's a bigger bitch that Bruney. You gonna let the fans determine the way you play the game and what number you wear Hawks'? Not in my clubhouse, cuz RAZOR'S BRINING THE HEAT TONIGHT!!

Update: Shelly Duncan has been recalled by the Yankees and will be in tonight's starting lineup. Go get 'em Ginsu and Razor

1 comment:

Ross Kaplan said...

I thought Kyle had an Asian fetish?