Wednesday, April 30, 2008
What’s really surprising is that reporters waited until Wednesday to break this story when Avery had been away from the team since Game 1 this past Friday night… What? Too soon?
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Big Buck Hunter is a shooting game. Basically you take a pump-action shotgun and kill whatever woodland creatures come across the screen. These include deer, elk, rabbits, wolves, coyotes and raccoons. It’s very realistic.
Watching Kyle Farnsworth play this game is like watching the first 10 minutes of Saving Private Ryan. Everybody dies. After watching Farnsworth handle a gun, I may never jab him again on my blog. He missed his calling, he should be shooting for the U.S. Olympic Team. He never missed.
Farnsworth (who, on the record, is a very nice guy when you’re not asking him about pitching poorly) said he’s buying the game for his vacation home. It retails for $5,000.
I couldn’t help but think about other professional athletes and their favorite video/arcade games…
Sal Fasano (Catcher, Atlanta Braves)
Super Mario Brothers 3
It has been said that the premise of Mario 3 was based on one wild night Fasano had at the University of Evansville. Fasano declines to confirm whether raccoons, drain pipes, a princess, and giant fish were involved. The matching 'staches, of course, make this rather obvious.
R.W. McQuarters (Corner, New York Giants)
Spongebob Squarepants: Atlantis Square Pants
R.W. loves Spongebob...'nuff said
Marty McSorley (Defense, Boston Bruins)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
This one is a no-brainer. Of course, McSorley would play with Casey Jones if he could.
LeBron James (Forward, Clevland Cavaliers)
Burger King's Sneak King
Ok, if you were living in a cave on Mars listening to Rick Astley's Greatest Hits during this eleven day hysteria, check this out to catch yourself up. Now how awesome would it be if King James was dressed up like The King and serving Whoppers and breakfast sandwhiches. Hello egg, hello meat, hello cheese...
Things that I know about Pat Riley:
1. He is perhaps the greatest quitter of our time
2. He is probably one of the smartest men in Professional sports
3. He looks like a cross between Emilio Estevez as Coach Gordon Bombay trying to impress Iceland in D-2 and Willem Dafoe’s portrayal of a gay detective in Boondock Saints
4. He is an exceptional douche
Let's start from the top. Now perhaps I’m biased here, but I believe Riles’ history of quitting on people, organizations and that awesome fu manchu he used to sport (clearly his only redeeming quality) is well documented. We all know how big Pat came to fame and glory… riding the long and glorious coattails of none other than Kurt “Rambo” “Superman” Rambis, but how did he only win 4?? Seriously, though, I do give him props where they are due, and like many fine coaches who have been in the right place at the right time (AHEMPHILJACKSONCOUGHBLARGRRRAHEM), Riles took the greatness he was given and brought us what we have come to know only as Showtime. But with Magic, Worthy, Kareem, and the gang on the floor how could he not walk away with all those rings?! A blind monkey throwing crap at a chalkboard would have won at least as many if not more; which may have more to do with my view of NBA coaching than Riles himself. Anyway, back to Riley being a big fat quitter.
Now here’s the thing about Riley: he brought me some of the most loved and cherished basketball memories of my life. Oh, what I wouldn’t give to be able to watch John Starks brick 3 after 3, Charles Oakley dive after 8-10 balls a game and good ole Mase just move everyone out of the way with his massive truck of a derriere (but alas, that is a story for another day). And as I write this, I’m once again reminded, it was the players I loved, not the man who would eventually bolt as if he just impregnated Charles Dolan’s wife and needed to get out of town before Chucky realized he was too old to even get it up anymore. As quickly as Riles came to New York and New York embraced him, he quit on the team and became exponentially more hated even quicker. I guess he figured that he had taken the Knicks as far as they could be taken, and he might as well get out before the building started burning down (as he doused the place with gasoline… only to be saved by JEFF VAN GUNDY). Seriously though, couldn’t he have stuck around for at least one more run at a title?! They came so close. Boo. Quitter.
So, he went on to Miami where he would coach to varying degrees of success for many years. This was nice for him… until!!.... GASP!!! …. The Heat started to!!!!!!...... OH NO!!!!!..... LOSE!!!!! That’s right!! They became a bunch of losers! So, what do you suppose Pat did in times of trouble? If memory serves correctly, he… now what’s another word for quit? Hold on, let me get out the thesaurus… Resign? Naa. Relinquish? Eh. Surcease? Too fancy. Ooo I like this one: Abandon… nice. So he abandoned his post as Miami’s head coach because they didn’t win. Unfortunately the karma gods missed this one (although as I will explain later, they generally did a good job of fucking up Riley’s shit) and allowed him to somehow stumble across Dwayne Wade. Oops. After sliding out of the way of the bullet, he fed Stan Van Gundy to the wolves, only to watch him do a wonderfully and unexpectedly splendid job! This undoubtedly angered the great Riles, for he is the only man fit to sit on a bench and watch extraordinarily good basketball players make him undeservedly famed and beloved! Long story short, Shaq comes in, he forces Stan out (in the middle of the season, mind you) and… bam! Tough Actin’ Tinactin!... errr, I mean… he won another championship. Now, I will acknowledge that among many things, Pat is no idiot. Despite rolling over a number of people and organizations in his path, Pat made sure that he was only on the bench when he had a legitimate shot to win. I suppose there’s something to be said for that (douche).
Luckily for the Dolan and Van Gundy families… karma is a bitch. The Knicks went on to happily eviscerate the Heat in every playoff matchup they had (yes, I am choosing to ignore the PJ Brown- thug mansion-Charlie Ward flip series, it never happened). Stan Van is currently lucky enough to be the proud papa of the 22-year-old beast who’s more God than man, D-wight Howard. And, now, as the Heat are once again not good at winning basketball games, poor Riles shockingly decided to hang it up. He gave the media some cliché about his heart not being in it and not being able to give it his all. I would, however, be willing to bet that with a healthy Wade and an effective Shaq, his heart would be just fine. And so… he is forced to watch from the sidelines as his superstar makes it look more like- fall down 7 times, make that 8, shit…9- and his Diesel is getting oiled up in the desert. Now all that’s left for him to do is sit back and wait for another near championship team to latch on to before pushing someone else aside to prove what a “great coach” he truly is. Pat Riley: 1st class coach? I suppose. 1st class douche? Most certainly.
Monday, April 28, 2008
The Dallas Stars just completed a road sweep in San Jose with Mike Modano playing like its 1999 and Mike Ribeiro actually playing hockey. I guess he isn’t going to sit on that big fat contract and act like a giant bitch. The Sharks, always a pre-season favorite look overwhelmed by the Stars who are actually a real hockey team now with Modano, Ribeiro and Brad Richards down the middle. Brett Hull must be pretty happy.
Lastly, we come the NHL’s biggest media darling since the Fox Trax puck vs. the NHL’s biggest media market in what is considered by many to be the ultimate match up in good vs. evil. The Penguins led by Sidney Crosby, the only NHLer most people know because the NHL can only market one player at a time, currently lead the evil New York Rangers led by Emperor Jagr and his disciple Darth Avery two games to nil. While the Rangers had Game 1 wrapped up with a three goal lead, they decided to give the game to the Pens and allowed for what turned out to be a phantom interference call against Martin Straka, drawn by none other than Sidney Christ Crosby. While the play was clearly a case of Sidney buying a call from the league officials, the game should never have gotten to that point. The Rangers should have shut the door and taken Game 1 on the road.
Game 2 was the defensive game the Rangers wanted to play, but managed to blow that one by playing tight defense but forgetting to show up on the offensive end. Only a few rushes led by Jagr led to any decent scoring chance. The line of Callahn-Drury-“Black Magic” were relentless on the forecheck but had nothing to show for it at the end of the game. Aside from that trio the Rangers lacked the speed to pressure the Pens to force the D-men on their heels. Their powerplay was atrocious with Shannahan setting up in the crease instead of the left faceoff dot to let go his lethal one-timer. As old as Shanny is he can still fire the puck, but the Rangers coaches thought Scott Gomez’s sublime passing skills was better off being wasted playing catch with Chris Drury on the half boards. As has been the case all season, the Rangers power play has been more of a power outage, which is unfortunate because of all the talent on this team. I suggested to a few people earlier today to get more speed on Gomez’s wings during even strength play, and Coach Tom Renney read my mind by switching Prucha and Shanny in practice. This would seem like a smart tactical move had Prucha played at the end of the season instead of riding the pine in favor of Colton Orr. Personally, Freddie Sjo would have been a better choice as he is a former first round pick, has some decent offensive skills, and a little less rust. Going back to MSG Tuesday should give the Rangers a huge boost, as they are 4-0 against the Penguins at the World’s Most Over-priced Arena.
After a weekend hiatus, it’s good to be back, and there is a lot to talk about. Let’s start with the Giants draft…
ESPN dusted Mel Kiper off for his two weeks of work covering the NFL draft. (Who said April was only busy season for accountants?) Before being stuck back in the ESPN storage closet in between Barry Melrose and Dick Vitale, Kiper left Giants fans these parting words…
I understand taking safety Kenny Phillips with the last pick in the first round. He had a great sophomore season in 2006. Terrell Thomas could be a No. 2 cornerback, but I thought that pick was just OK. Wide receiver Mario Manningham is worth a role of the dice in the third round because he has talent, but his stock dropped in the months leading up to the draft, with some teams viewing him as a late-round pick. Jonathan Goff was a good find in the fifth round, and the same can be said about Andre' Woodson in Round 6. Defensive end Robert Henderson is just a marginal prospect. (http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/draft08/columns/story?columnist=kiper_jr_mel&id=3357479)
Mel, I really would have loved to have seen a little…I don’t know…expert analysis. This analysis reeks of “ESPN dubbed me the resident NFL Draft expert, so I pretty much don’t need to justify any comment I make!” Professorial complacency is leaking into the sports world!
This bothers me so much because I thought the Giants drafted pretty well. They used their first to picks to sure-up their biggest weakness, the secondary, and then took it from there. Let’s look at the first three picks:
- Kenny Phillips (Safety, U of
Phillips was the first safety taken in the draft. I am not going to pretend to have watched him closely, but to me, it seems his style of play suits the Giants. With the departure of Gibril Wilson, the Giants are going to be looking for someone who can not only defend the pass but also tackle.
- Terrell Thomas (CB, USC)
“Terrell Thomas could be a No. 2 cornerback.” Gee, Mel, that sounds great. Considering Aaron Ross, Corey Webster, and Sammy Madison are already on the Giant’s depth chart. I’d say a number 3 cornerback would be fine also at this point. I don’t think we should be dubbing the secondary “lock-down” yet with Ross and Webster still needing to show some long-term consistency. (Not to take anything away from their ability to absolutely shut down some of the leagues down the stretch last year.) Of course, now having learned the new defensive scheme they will certainly do well to help Thomas along. Also, having a veteran like Sammy Madison will make
- Mario Manningham (WR,
ESPN.com’s James Walker called Manningham’s selection a potential steal. The Giants already have a “Manning to Manningham” banner on their website. Consensus among draft analysts is that Manningham’s “character issues” lowered his draft value. I’d say in the third round he is certainly worth the pick. In only three years, Manning became one of
More on Kiper and the Giants later.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
For this weekend, we have an exclusive guest poster to Through Your Earpiece. New York Yankees pitcher Kyle “The Razor” Farnsworth, who is a great friend of mine has agreed to submit some of his personal thoughts in order to boost notoriety of our blog. I want to thank Kyle in advance for his generosity in sharing what its like to be a professional athlete. Without further ado, here is what Kyle sent me:
It’s been a pretty tough week here at Farnsworth central. First my roommate, teammate, and best friend, Shelly "Ginsu" Duncan, was sent down to Scranton because old man Girardi is scared to put his power swing into the lineup. At least Torre would put Ginsu in the lineup and promptly fall asleep in the dugout. The Compound just isn’t the same with empty Dunc's bunk-bed. I haven’t been able to sleep much because it’s just so darn lonely, good thing I’ve got my stuffed teddy to keep me company. Who is going to help me shaving cream Abaladejo's stuff in the clubhouse? He’ll be back soon though and the Crash Brothers will be better than ever. To make matters worse my elbow gave out on me from throwing too hard. Apparently throwing a 95 mph change-up to go wth my 101 fastball is too much wear and tear on my body, or at least that’s what those kooky team doctors say, but what do they know? All I know is FARNSY’S BRINGING THE HEAT on each and every pitch. Cuz if you ain’t throwing hard you ain’t throwing at all. It's just a minor injury so I'll be back in that 'pen BRINGING THE HEAT! Then there's the golden-child, Joba, who got interviewed by Erin Andrews. The finest sports reporter since Howard Cosell. She may be perfect in all ways Razor likes his women: white, blonde, tall, and white. BOOYEA! If I were you, Joba, I'd take her out to The Reservation and show her why we call you "Chief!"
It’s not all bad in Razor's world though, so don’t you guys be worrying about me. After being relegated to mop up duties in meaningless games recently, I'll be back bringing the heat thanks to Bruney being a giant bitch, unable to play through pain. Season ending surgery? Grow a pair you mama's boy. Playing time here I come. Then there's that LaTroy guy. That guy freaks me out with his weird voodoo dolls and strange pre-game rituals. He's a bigger bitch that Bruney. You gonna let the fans determine the way you play the game and what number you wear Hawks'? Not in my clubhouse, cuz RAZOR'S BRINING THE HEAT TONIGHT!!
Update: Shelly Duncan has been recalled by the Yankees and will be in tonight's starting lineup. Go get 'em Ginsu and Razor
Thursday, April 24, 2008
On this day 4 years ago, Eli Manning was selected first overall by the New York Giants via a trade with the San Diego Chargers. It was a historic day in the
The early going was tough for Eli. In the season before he was drafted, his brother Peyton broke the single season touchdown record with 49 TD passes and was named NFL MVP nearly unanimously. In 2005-2006, some guy named Ben Rothel-something, the 11th overall pick from that other U of Miami (tell me that doesn’t confuse Jeremy Shockey) becomes the youngest QB to win a Super Bowl. As Eli got his feet wet, the Chargers were looking pretty smart. Phillip Rivers was being groomed by Drew Brees . The other draft picks that came in the trade brought the Chargers up and coming star Shawn Merriman and kicker Nate Kaeding. When Rivers beat out Brees for the starting job, even I was starting to doubt the Giants selection – and mind you, I was on the Eli Manning band wagon even as others drowned while fording the river or died of cholera. Wait a minute…wrong wagon…
Anyway, you all know the story. Eli, whose name is of course derived from the Greek for “Answered Prayer for the New York Media’s Original Whipping Boy, Chad Pennington” showed flashes of greatness for the next few seasons but just couldn’t seem to string together enough quality wins to be considered an elite QB, which was the very least the public demanded of him. He, of course, answered the calls in the 2008 playoffs and Super Bowl XLII with a performances for the record books and did the world a favor by knocking off the undefeated Patriots.
So what do you think the future holds for Eli Manning? Is he over that “hump” that NFL broadcasters keep talking about? (I don’t know about you, but I feel like with every snap, another broadcaster is saying, “This is the turning point of Manning’s career”). How long/will the
As I stared at the…thing…on Bobby Jenks’ chin, I could only think about the many positives that came out of the Yankee’s win tonight over the White Sox:
Mike Mussina: What an outing for Mussina, who passed Bob Gibson on the all-time wins list after pitching 7 strong innings with 4 H and 2 ER! Both runs were off solo home runs. With Mussina’s clear drop in velocity (his fastball was at about 82 mph), home runs are to be expected. The key is what happened tonight; he allowed only one walk and was able to pitch out of trouble when necessary. As David Cone mentioned in the YES postgame, Mussina was able to spot his fastball well, which enabled him to come back from counts he fell behind on. With a change-up in the low 60s and a nasty breaking ball, Mussina was able to fool batter after batter into soft pop outs. Yankee fans certainly should not expect a 7 inning gem like this one, every time Mussina takes the ball but his approach (and credit Posada for calling a good game) will hopefully be something he can build on.
Jorge Posada: The other half of the battery had a great night tonight as well. As previously mentioned, Posada called a great game. Mussina rarely shook off a sign and mixed his pitches effectively. Not to mention, he went 4-5 with 3 doubles and raised his average to .304. Posada was so in-tune with the game that he even knew to keep Mussina in to finish the 7th inning when Joe Girardi raised his hand to make a pitching change.
Johnny Damon: Production out of Damon is crucial to the Yankee success. In his final year with the Red Sox, Damon scored some 70% of the time he got on base. His deceptive power and ability to hit the ball to any part of the ball park makes him a great lead-off hitter, as we saw tonight (2-5, 2R, 2 RBIs). His on base percentage is up to .357 – let’s hope it stays there (In 2004, Damon had a .380 OBP)
All that needs to be sorted out now is our relief pitching. I look forward to Misconduct telling some stories about Kyle Farnsworth soon.
It’s 3-3 game in the four overtime. Ranger's back-up goalie Stephen Valiquette has had an outstanding game filling in for disgraced Ranger goaltender Henrik Lundqvist was carried out of the Ranger dressing room (pads and all) in handcuffs. He was then promptly deported for being in the country illegally. New York Islanders Ice Girls line the exit to MSG making fun of him. One even spits on him...how's that for irony. Anyway, back to the game. The Rangers have a 5 on 3 powerplay for 2 minutes after Arron Asham and Colin White beat the every-loving tar out of Sean Avery. They couldn't even give out fighting penalties because Avery didn't have a chance. A failed clearing attempt by Paul Martin gives Jaromir Jagr a breakaway on Martin Brodeur...this should do it...oh wait...Jagr trips! ("Spaz-way, he'll screw up" ) The puck innocently trickles to Brodeur who throws it up the boards. The puck deflects off the glass...hits Scott Gomez where the sun don't shine...then off the back of Sean Avery's head (who is standing in front of Brodeur doing his stupid little screen the goalie dance)...and past a diving Valiquette.
...Well I guess it's up to the Penguins.
Am I bitter? Ok maybe a little. It certainly was a very exciting series, and hockey fans can only hope we will see more of this as the playoffs go on.
Thanks for the nice introduction, Mr. Misconduct. Let's jump into a little bit more on the NHL playoffs...
ESPN.com recently had a poll about which sport had the best Game 7’s. The NHL, MLB, or NBA? As you might expect, Major League Baseball was far and away the winner. And why not? With football out the question, America’s original pastime is far more popular than the NBA and the NHL. But hold on one second now…
As we already saw last night with the Caps-Flyers game, it’s hard to beat an NHL Game 7. Think about the waning minutes of a close game third period or even better an overtime game: the intensity, the desperation – it’s unmatched. In baseball, each team is guaranteed an opportunity to take one more crack at taking the lead and provided they don’t make any outs – they can keep scoring at their leisure to make that happen. There is never a moment of, “you need a home run right now or you lose.” In basketball, close games become foul shooting competitions, which can be exciting, but also can drag on to a point where the intensity can dissipate. Only in hockey, do you have the one minute of pure anarchy (reminiscent to the street fight in Anchorman) when the goalie is pulled and its 6-5. When the dust clears one team emerges triumphant and the other is in “dead place.” (Of course, leave it to Boston to tank Game 7 and ruin my point…they’re probably just still pissed about Aaron Boone).
Too bad for the Caps though, its clear Ovechkin is something special, and I guess part of me was hoping that he would face off with Crosby in the playoffs. Still, I am sure we are in for our fair share classic Caps-Pens games in the future.
In other news, what happened to the Ottawa Senators? At least the New York Mets had the courtesy to collapse in the last weeks of the season. Sens fans had to endure months of it (11-16-4 after the All-Star Break) Not to mention, they were “swept” out of their misery by their former star Marian Hossa whose addition to an offense that includes Crosby, Malkin, and Jordan Staal should probably have created some void in the universe somewhere. (Like pressing someone else’s Easy Button). Oh yea, and that guy Zdeno Chara…finalist for the Norris. Well at least the Ottawa Renegades start up soon.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
In case you missed it, and I'm sure most of you have, Poti, he of the long poke check and fear of physical contact, ruined the NHL playoffs by taking a lame tripping penalty in overtime of Game 7 vs. the Philadelphia Flyers. Poti, trying to erase his history as an overpaid, un-physical defenseman cost the rest of the world a chance to see more of Unfrozen Caveman Hockey Player until next October. He was hated by Ranger fans, loved by Islander fans because Ranger fans hated him, and Capitals fans (if there are any left) didn't know any better than to cheer on this steaming pile of garbage. Now they know that Tom Poti is absolutely useless since Mike Green has emerged as a legit offensive defenseman and power play quarterback. Thanks a lot Tom, go eat a jar of peanut butter. Now we're subject to a series featuring Carey Roy Dryden Price Christ vs. whichever Flyers players aren't suspended.
In the other Game 7 from last night, Jeremy Roenick may be the leader the Sharks have been missing since Joe Thornton once again decided that becuase he doesn't get paid during the playoffs he might as well not play well. The Sharks won Game 7 and Mike Keenan alienated one of the best goaltenders in the league by pulling Kipper and replacing him with Curtis Joseph. I'm pretty sure that Cujo and JR receive the same AARP magazine my parents get every month. So the Flames lost and the Sharks escaped near disaster thanks to the overrated coaching that is Mike Keenan. So kudos to you Mike, no one has lived off of the 1994 season more than you, the teat may be getting a little dry.
Soon the Crasher and I will figure out how to link to other sites and post some videos, more from him later.
That's our first post becuase who doesn't love Miracle? There's going to be more coming from myself and the Crasher about all things sports. we thought we needed an angle, but we thought we'd be better off starting by posting whatever we want and then letting you, the readers, give us feedback and take the blog in the direction you want to take it.
We promise that what we will be posting stuff worth reading.