FANTASY PREVIEW!!!!!!!

It's that time of year again, all the major media outlets are buzzing with fantasy news: who's in, who's out, who's injured, who's in prison, and who's going to have a breakout year. Watercoolers are boiling over with fantasy talk as people's wallets go thin from their keeper league buy-ins. All the major sports publications and outlets are giving their fantasy predictions to help out their loyal readers. These facts make it perplexing that ESPN decided to release their HOCKEY fantasy preview on August 21st seeing as how training camps are still almost a month away.
Here is the link, click at your own risk:

http://games.espn.go.com/fhl/tools/projections?display=alt

I understand the constant football updates because it is so widespread, but why this hockey preview so early? It seems as the World Wide Leader has completely lost interest in the League. My head almost exploded reading their top fifteen, that was until i read their goaltender rankings, when i vomited all over my office computer. The Asian IT guy was not pleased. Sparing you all the pain of me dissecting every terrible prognostication, I'm going to give you my favorite. That is the pick of Jose Theodore at #7 overall. OVERALL! Not just #7 goaltender, which is probably even a bit high, but 7 out of the entire league! I'm speechless. A few seasons ago, this guys was replaced by Peter Budaj, after he was ousted from Montreal. And suddenly ESPN thinks he's the 7th most valuable player in the league?

In closing I would like to send a memo out to ESPN:
Please stop using your interns to compile crappy lists that are written poorly just to generate discussion amongst the 15 hockey fans that still remain. Instead, when people click on your NHL page, forward the surfers to either TSN.ca or sportsnet.ca thus saving you money because you dont have to employ lackeys that know nothing about the sport to write your articles.
Thanks,
GM

Offseason Lookout: Teams no one cares about in a League no one cares about

On the eve of Canada Day and the first day of NHL free agency, I figured I’d take a look at the moves some of the smaller market teams have made, and how they look moving forward to next season. Here’s a look at the biggest mover and shakers (it’s all relative) so far since the start of the off-season and leading up to today.

Tampa Bay: After finishing with the lowest wins in the league just 4 years removed from their Stanley Cup championship, the ‘Ning have under gone a total facelift. They were terrible last year due to a shallow line-up, poor goaltending, and Dan Boyle’s inability to dodge flying skate blades. With new ownership led by Oren Koules of the Saw film franchise, the Lightning are at least trying to make things interesting in the hum-drum NHL. For starters, in NFL fashion the team made it clear they were going to draft Steven Stamkos with the first overall pick. Stamkos has been compared to Sakic and Yzerman, but has not garnered as much fan-fare as Crosby or Ovechkin. He should help the team, but I don’t see him being an impact player at the age of 18 next season. It was noteworthy that with their last pick, the Lightning drafted David Carle, brother of Sharks D-man Matt, who was touted as a second round pick, but will probably never play hockey again due to a congenital heart disease which was discovered at the Draft Combine. That was truly a classy move.

Continuing with their trend, the Lightning brought Barry Melrose out of ESPN studios and put him back behind the bench. I still maintain that this was a bad personnel move due to Melrose’s poor record as a head coach, and the fact that he hasn’t coached an NHL game in almost 15 years. His success as a coach came due to some guy named Gretzky, but his hiring is more about the publicity and notoriety his name brings than his coaching acumen.

Most recently, Tampa signed former Penguins wingers Ryan Malone and Gary Roberts. Malone got a 7 year $31.5 million contract for scoring 27 goals as Geno Malkin’s winger. That’s $4.5 mil for 27 goals! 27! Not even a 30 goal season. This signing continues in a long line of overpaid and lengthy contracts that will bite the team and the league in the ass within the next 2-3 years. Let’s not even discuss that Tampa still lacks a proven #1 goalie and their backline is Dan Boyle, Paul Ranger, and Shane O’Brien. These guys are more likely to hit the bar more than their opponents. At least Vinny Lecavalier is still really good and will be there for the next 9 years after signing a contract extension.

LA: The Kings are building the right way and are positioning themselves for lots of success in the future. Yes, they traded Mike Cammalleri to Flames, but the future of this team lies within Jack Johnson and Drew Doughty (giving them the ol’ one two), Anze Kopitar, Dustin Brown, Alex Frolov, and Paddy O’Sullivan, and Jon Bernier. As long as Dan Cloutier and Marc Crawford are kept as far away as possible, this team has a bright future. The addition of Matt Greene, and Jarret Stoll for Lubo Visnovsky makes the Kings younger and gives them more depth up the middle behind Kopitar and some beef in front of their own net.

Phoenix: A team to be reckoned with as early as next season will be the Phoenix Coyotes. With a ful season from Ilya Bryzgalov backed up by Al Montoya, the ‘yotes should have a very promising goaltending tandem for the next few years. Don Maloney has been doing a better job in the desert than he did with the Islanders, but that’s not saying much. The acquisition of Olli Jokinen for Nick Boynton and Keith Ballard might have hurt the team’s defensive depth, but it takes pressure off kids Kyle Turris, Peter Mueller, and Martin Hanzal, while giving veteran responsibility to Jokinen, Captain Shane Doan, and a revived Jovo-cop. I expect the ‘Yotes to be a competitor in the West and push for a playoff spot next season.

Islanders Draft Wrap

NHL draft analysis. Not even ESPN does this! I just checked Long Island’s Newsday to see their coverage of the Islanders draft class, and I should have been surprised to see that the only shred of analysis from Islander bear writer Greg Logan was “They’d better be right.” I appreciate his going out on a limb.

Now in Mr. Logan’s defense – what do you say? No one cares about the NHL draft, as such there is no coverage. For the most part, NBA fans get to watch their draft picks play in the NCAA tournament. MLB fans, to a lesser extent, have the College World Series and a strong enough fan base that makes it worth the time of analysts to seek out high school and foreign born players. The most egregious example is, of course, the NFL. A league whose Scouting Combine is televised and its talent pool comes almost exclusively from Division 1 college football which has its own analysts. For the NHL, Mr. Logan would have to literally go to games in Canadian junior leagues, European junior leagues, American colleges, American high schools, and beyond. The NHL truly draws from a global pool of talent.

That said, can we try to get some information? Are these players good fits? Is Garth Snow’s characterization of each player correct? The Islanders clearly had a controversial strategy in the draft – was it correct? For what it’s worth, here are my thoughts:

Obviously, first round pick Josh Bailey will be the most scrutinized. Having passed up the fifth overall pick in a draft that was said to have six real bright stars, anything short of Bailey making an all-star game could make him a failure. Still, there is logic in their decision. For one thing, Snow viewed him as the second best forward on the board and the Islanders must certainly need productive forwards after rounding at the bottom of the league in scoring. If this is true, Bailey is a steal. Also, with the exception of Trent Hunter, Bruno Gervais, and Chris Campoli, the Isles system has not produced many players fit for success in the NHL. When was the last time it produced a scorer? (The jury is still out on Comeau and Okposo). Perhaps the Isles needed to clean house.

I disagree with the Isles’ fans who booed after the Isles traded down for Bailey. The problems faced by this team cannot be alleviated by one 19 year-old center. The Isles needs to start building a strong system that will allow them to trade prospects for a top-tier scorer and have a supporting cast in place for that scorer. A new building will also be crucial for the Isles to attract any superstar to the team, as Ryan Smyth’s quick departure truly showed what players think of Long Island. The goalie is in place, the defense is getting solid, there are only a few pieces left to the puzzle. It will take a steady hand by Garth Snow to make sure the Isles stay on course. He seems to have risen to the challenge in the 2008 draft.

He’d better be right.

Good thing I'm not a psychic

I should clearly stick to prognosticating NHL results and stop there. First, i figured and hoped that the Netherlands would be victorious in their match against the feisty Russians Saturday afternoon. I was wrong. Dead wrong. The Russian beat the Dutch at their own game by attacking relentlessly in what was a back and forth, and actually exciting game of soccer to watch. The Russians were touted as an upstart and youthful team with the ability to score goal on a porous Dutch defense, but the Dutch, masters of attack and pretty ball control were veterans of this style. They got beat at their own game as they looked to be on their heels for the entire match, especially the 30 minutes of extra time where the Russians scored twice to seal the victory.

On Sunday, in the second leg of World Cup qaulifying, I said that the Americans would face the wrath of an angry and embarassed Barbados team and fan base. Again, I was wrong as the Americans won the match 1-0 (9-0 aggregate) with little to no fan fare as a bigger game, Italy vs. Spain, took place at the same time. This game ended up being just as exciting as watching paint dry because I was hungover and because Italy decided to play the defensive soccer that Americans hate. Rightfully so after being treated to excitement and majesty on Saturday. Instead the Italians tried to play to get to penalties, and when they did, they still lost. As much as I wanted them to win the battle of hair products, they deserved to lose this game as their strategery drained the life out of the game from the opening kickoff. Thankfully they are out of the tournament and may be rethinking their defensive coaching tactics instead of forcing the issue agaisnt the Spaniards. So that's that, and the Germans are probably going to win it all, although those Ruskies are so gosh darned plucky I wouldn't mind seeing them hoist the trophy.

Tiger Woods and the Net Crasher Squeeze Out Some Big Wins

You heard it here first folks. ESPN’s golf experts shied away from Tiger maybe because of his knee surgery, maybe because he was too obvious of a choice, who really knows. But ESPN.com’s predications were as such:

Bob Harig (ESPN.com contributor) – Phil Mickelson

Jason Sobel (ESPN.com golf writer) – Phil Mickelson

John Antonini (Golf World senior editor) - Phil Mickelson

Ron Sirak (Golf World executive editor) - Anthony Kim

Meanwhile, on the humble pages of The View Through Your Earpiece, yours truly was making the correct prediction. Not only did I pick Tiger Woods but I correctly suggested he would card a -1 this weekend at Torrey Pines. As a matter of fact, I was so confident with this pick it is the first text on our blog to be written in red.

Still, why Woods won really went beyond what I wrote (and anyone else for that matter). Yes, Woods has been dominant at Torrey Pines in years past, but this clearly was not the Torrey Pines that we had seen in years past. Increased yardage, five inch rough, short par 5s and long par 4s. With one of the strongest fields in golf, no one came close to the double digit red numbers that we had seen previous Buick Invitational events. Similarly, Woods’ knee didn’t really hold up, as predicted. But he persevered despite it. Just as he played through the pain he played through during the Masters, Woods grinded out a win that even he didn’t think he pull out.

Here are a couple parting thoughts on what was a great weekend in San Diego…

- A prime-time nail biter involving Tiger Woods. The PGA could not have asked for a better set-up. With over 13 million viewers, it blew out the other networks and rivaled ABC’s coverage of the NBA finals, which immediately followed.

- Golf is not boaring! What’s wrong with you people??? Phil falls apart, Tiger claws back in the 4^th round, Rocco claws back in the 18^th hole playoff, and 5 rounds of golf and Tiger and Rocco still had the same score. So many storylines, so much excitement. Do me a favor and watch the British Open next month.

- The US Open Long Baller Theory continues to apply but just barely. Rocco Mediate (62^nd in driving distance) would have turned the theory on its head. But Woods was second in the field in driving distance and a pretty pathetic 56^th in fairways hit. Woods was stilling hitting greens in regulation (T-14^th in the field) and putted well. This includes some pretty remarkable shots including two eagle putts in the fourth round, his approach on the 19^th hole of the tie-breaker, his chip-in on 17 in the fourth round, and his shot out of the sand on the 15^th during the playoff.

- Drive for Show and Putt for Dough. Woods and Mediate were tied for 11^th in the field in putting. This is a pretty good ranking to have, as the top putters in the field are usually lower in the field because it takes them an extra shot to put it on the green. The first, second, and fourth ranked putters did not break the top 30.

- It will be hard for anyone to not cheer for Rocco Mediate in the future. The guy was all smiles throughout what was no doubt the most pressure he faced in his career. Although, as Johnny Miller interestingly pointed out, this might have been a psychological ploy to get Tiger off his game. I doubt it, but hats off to Rocco if he figured that one out.

- Phil Mickelson’s role as golf’s #2 should be seriously questioned after this week. The whole driver/no driver switch should not be viewed as a good adjustment but as a major lack of preparation on Phil’s part.

- It was nice to see Ernie Els put up a good number. I sure would love to see him win the British Open.

- Will Tiger be back to 100% for the Open Championship at Royal Birkdale on July 17? Will it matter?

- Bethpage Black in 2009. Can't wait! Nothing mixes better than New York fans and golf.

I could write a bunch of platitudes nows about how this was the greatest Open ever and how great of a sport golf is, but I'll leave that to the great writing of Gene Wojciechowski and Pat Forde.

Wojciechowski: Golf comes up aces: Tiger, Rocco save world of sports

Forde: A Torrey Story: Woods' win was greatest U.S. Open ever

That just about wraps it up. The weekend surpassed my already lofty expectations. Golf takes a little bit of a break over the next month, but you can bet your ass there will be a winning predication for the British in July.

Siberia or Uniondale... HMMM

Summer is just not a good time for me to be blogging, as I know you have all missed me very much. I’m going to attempt to be more diligent in posting during the summer months when all that goes on are football mini-camp reports, Tiger winning another major, and baseball playing another week in their 162000000 game schedule.

Luckily, I did find this little tid bit. Islander savior, Alexei Yashin, is back on the team’s radar. Oh what a joyous day. And if you heard a gunshot, that might be the sound of my colleague attempting to shoot himself. Somebody please call the police. Sure Yashin put up decent numbers, 16g 27a and 8g 6a in 16 playoff games, but he was in mother Russia and a comfortable situation, getting paid to live in obscurity by both the Islanders and his Russian team. If he comes back, he’ll want to get paid like the first line player he isn’t and that just seems dumb. The Islanders bought him out and they should just move on. The team mortgaged their future when they traded Chara, Spezza, Luongo, etc. Garth Snow would be wise to realize this team is going nowhere fast, stockpile young, high draft picks and finally rebuild instead of starting a rebuild and then changing the plan mid-way through.

Well there’s your update, now on to an even less popular sport in America, soccer. Yesterday, the 2nd round for the 2010 World Cup qualifiers began as the US took on Barbados in LA. Here are the highlights:


This absolutely cannot be good news for the US. Sure they won, but they were clearly a far superior team but continued to go to goal at every chance. Now as a kid I was always taught not to run up the score on an opponent because it could come back to bite you in the ass. Yes, I understand that it’s aggregate scoring, but are you really going to give up 8 goals away from home to a team you so clearly outclassed on the pitch? The answer is no, but you’ve put your team in jeopardy of bigger problems than losing the second leg. Now Barbados players and fans are angry that you embarrassed their team and they will be out for blood. If Bradley knows what’s good for his team he won’t play any of his important players, i.e. Donovan, Beasley, Dempsey, Onyewu etc. If those guys play, and I’m a Barbados player I’m going studs up into every tackle. I risk suspension but that player now has a broken leg and with only 3 substitutions, things could get messy for that US team. So congrats to team USA on the win, but running up the score to show off for the home fans has just put you in a most precarious position.

One last note about soccer, check out the Euro 2008 Championship going on on ESPN2 and ESPN Classic as it is about the highest level of soccer outside of the World Cup. And the English aren't in it so the number of teams that will disappoint you are less one.

Headlines: Looting, Nude Beaches, and the Little Blue Pill

It’s only Wednesday and we already got some crazy headlines. Let’s take a look…

Bellicheck’s 11

Well New England has hit a new low this weekend. Apparently, thieves broke into a Attleboro, MA jewelry store and stole a safe containing the Super Bowl rings that were soon to be given to members of the New York Giants front office staff. Each ring was valued at $25,000. Evidence suggests the assailants were wearing hooded sweatshirts with cut-off sleeves. I wonder if Ray Finkle was involved?

...Jeremy Shockey has been dispatched.

Big Men Hanging It Up

Michael Strahan hung it up after a Hall of Fame caliber career. What you probably missed was that the Ravens offensive tackle Jonathan Ogden decided to follow suit. Like Strahan, Ogden is retiring to focus on his actor career. If you have ever lived in the greater Baltimore area you probably remember this gem…

I hear they are considering for the role of the world-traveling paleontologist for the upcoming Jurassic Park 4.

Careful, You’re Ball Might Land in the Wrong Beach

While they will not be in the gallery for the U.S. Open this week, the Black's Beach Bares will certainly be right in the middle of the action – the nudist action that is. Apparently, just over the cliff behind the fourth green at Torrey Pines is a nude beach. Providing non-stop excitement in-between pairings, the gallery need only look behind them to find the nudists “playing volleyball, throwing the Frisbee, body surfing, building sandcastles, collecting seashells. Maybe playing some backgammon." Let’s just hope that the players take a little less club when hitting into the fourth green.

Talk about Your “Rising” Fastball

Why Rusty Hardin didn’t laugh and quickly reach for his briefcase when Roger Clemens told him the “whole story” is beyond me. It just never ends with this guy! The most recent reports on the troubled, former Red Sox pitcher (that’s right, we gave him back) is that he was stocking Viagra in his locker. Now you might ask, “Mr. Crasher, I don’t think I ever noticed Roger ‘at full attention’ while he was pitching? Was it just unbridled sexual energy that caused him to throw the bat at Piazza?” Well, my dear reader, it turns out Viagra has some helpful side effects including boosts to your endurance. Now I am no doctor (but I do play one on TV) but apparently, its helps increase blood flow not only “down below” but also throughout your body. So with the blue pill, you can either hang out with your middle-aged wife in separate bathtubs or win seven Cy Youngs.

US Open Preview

One thing I love about golf’s grand slam is how very unique each of the four tournaments are. The perfectly manicured greens at Augusta, the afternoon winds and links course set-ups at the Open Championship, and players at the peak of their game ending the season at the PGA Championship. Still, the US Open is my favorite weekend of the golf year. You get to see of one of the United States’ more beautiful golf courses re-engineered into an absolute monster. More length, harder fairways, thicker rough, faster green – you name, the US Open has it all. A perfect round is just not in the works during the US Open. It is all about which player can recover best from his mistakes and avoid putting big numbers on his card. The winners of the last two Open’s have been no where near even par.

This year will be no exception. ESPN’s Bob Harig refers the conditions at the Open to be “stupid.” After its upgrade from the Buick Invitational in January, Torrey Pines will become the longest course in the history of the US Open and its par will be changed to 71 with the sixth hole being converted from a par 5 to a 515-yard par 4. The rough has significantly thickened and the greens have been firmed up. Expect this year’s Open, like year’s past, to have very little red on the leader board.

The Picks:

Group 7 (Mickelson – Scott – Woods)

If I had to bet on one group this would be it. (Yes, I know they are the top three players in the world). Lefty grew up in the San Diego area and played Torrey Pines during his high school days. He has played the Buick Invitational at or under par each of the last five years (going as low as -10 in 2003). If Lefty can keep his drives in the middle of the fairway, he has a good shot.

Tiger Woods is always a favorite (especially when you count him out) Woods has already won at Torrey Pines in January with a staggering score of -19. In stroke play this year, he has two wins (plus one match win) and is a combined -49 in four tournaments. If that knee can hold up (and it did in Augusta), one can’t look past Tiger’s past dominance at Torrey Pines. Look for him to win the tournament at -1.

Adam Scott’s long drives (8^th in 2008 driving distance) could be a clear advantage under the absurd Open conditions. Bob Harig discussed the strange anomaly of the long-hitters doing well at the US Open in recent times when you would think the tough conditions would favor an accurate player. His conclusion was that since everyone was getting screwed with the tough rough, the guy that is in the rough closer to the hole is in better shape. Scott’s ability to hit greens in regulation this year (15^th on tour) suggests he has got a shot at tackling Torrey Pines. Let’s see how his finger holds up.

Dark Horse: Mike Weir

Ok, so throw the whole long-baller out the window with Weir. Still he is playing great golf this year in competitive tournaments. Weir has been in the spotlight before and won at Augusta back when critics were saying that course was for long-ballers. It was draw, for me, between Weird and Garcia and unfortunately for Sergio, Weir’s better with the flat stick.

You Have Got To Be Kidding Me

Everyone remember those geocities sites from back in the day? You could pick one of three backgrounds and set-up your own little tribute to Derek Jeter or the Backstreet Boys (or both!). Anyway, I just came across one for Mike Milbury. That’s right…fuckin’ Mad Mike himself. I immediately assumed this was a joke. I mean the website does have a purple background and tells us that Mad Mike’s astrological sign is “Sun in Gemeni and Moon in Aries” – whatever the hell that means. But as I continued to read, gripped to the screen, as if Elisa Cuthbert were poised to ring my doorbell and ask for a dry change of clothes, I realized this was no joke. Our dear friend, who we can only identify from an e-mail address which starts with MJM, is dead serious. And what’s more? MJM are Michael J. Milbury’s initials. Oh this is just too good. Mike Milbury seems to have made a geocities site praising himself! “Loser anti-Milbury’s” need not apply” he reminds us. I didn’t realize there were pro-Milburys until I came across MJM. Did anyone actually e-mail this guy???

We will assume that this whole MJM thing is a strange coincidence (like needle marks in Roger Clemens buttox) and that he is indeed not Mike Milbury.

I spent way too much time on this website and have pulled some of my favorite quotes for your enjoyment. Islander fans, I would probably stop reading, as this website seems to rehash some of the most painful years in Islander history with an absurd sense of optimism. By MJM’s standards, we should have another 4 straight Stanley Cups by 2008 led by our leading scorer Robert Reichel….that’s right. Why in the world would we trade Robert Reichel? Now I see how this MJM character thinks.

The Mike Milbury Tribute Page…The Only One of Its Kind!

I’d say so. These tribute pages are usually reserved for good people. People who save franchises, not run them into the ground. Either that or for stalker-tastic middle aged men who need someway of expressing their strange obsession with a young female celebrity. Now, MJM, which category do you fall into?

"You, from New York, you are so relevant....Luminous more so than most anyone; unapologetically alive." - Alanis Morissette

Follow it up with an Alanis Morisette quote…I am starting to think this is the later.

For those completely in the dark (SHAME ON YOU!), Mike Milbury is the ex-coach and general manager of my favorite hockey team, the New York Islanders. He's also the COOLEST guy ever! He has no regard for formalities, and he'll tell it like it is to your face without a hint of guilt. He'll also beat you with a shoe if you taunt him enough! AND THAT'S WHY WE LOVE HIM!

He also is responsible for some of the most retarded trades in the history of the professional sports. I don’t know what the deal is with this “we love him.” I mean…I usually reserve love for the most important things in my life: pizza, Xbox, my lucky Jofa hockey stick, and Alex Rodriguez. I like to think that me and the rest of the God-fearing world do not “love” individuals who peak their career with going into the stands and beating someone with a shoe and then follow it up with being a shitty General Manager.

September 17, 1999:

Well, training camp for the 1999-2000 season has begun, and the Isles are fixin' to get some new owners. Sounds like good news, right? Maybe not. Rumor has it that if new owners come in, Mike's gonna be shipped out.

I'm sure you're all waiting for me to go on a rampage and stuff, but to tell you the truth, I'm strangely apathetic about it at this point. If you must know, there was a "transaction" that took place over the summer that Mike either master-minded or just simply aided and abetted. It had nothing to do with the Isles, but it affected me personally and directly. I won't go into it, but let's just say Mike being kicked outta Long Island would make up for it in some small way. Oh, I still love Mike and all, but some amends must be made. Sorry, Mike. :-(

It took six years for Charles Wang to come to his sense and send Milbury packing. We all have MJM to thank of his wishful thinking. And speaking of amends that need to be made…how about for trades that did have something to do with the Isles: how about trading Bertuzzi and McCabe for Trevor Linden and then releasing Trevor Linden. Or trading Ziggy Palfy for peanuts. The one bright spot in the trade, Olli Jokinen and a first round pick were quickly squandered. This was, of course, just 1999. Sorry, MJM. :-(

March 24, 1999:

Robert Reichel was sent to the Phoenix Coyotes for left wing Brad Isbister. Here's something I don't get. Reichel was the Isles leading scorer. True, his leadingness would have measured up to obscurity on any other team, but that's beside the point. We obviously need scorers. I don't see how trading a scorer is gonna help matters!

Tommy Salo was FINALLY traded to the Edmonton Oilers for winder Mats Lindgren. I can rest in peace now that Whiner-Boy is gone. With him around, it makes Mike look like this big ogre with some evil Golden Whip of Obscurity that he can snap at any time whenever he feels like it to send you running shrieking into his doghouse and lay there cold and afraid until he falls asleep. Of course, it still seems like we got the load end of the pan with Lindgren. I've never heard of him, but you can't expect to get much in exchange for Salo, n'est-ce pas?

In March of 1999, Robert Reichel had 56 points (19 goals, 37 assists). Does that even qualify you as a leading scorer? Doesn’t that just make you least worst! Unbelievable. Lindgren for Salo! What a fuckin no-brainer! Salo only went on to make the NHL All-Star team with Oilers for the next two years and set the Oilers record for lowest GAA. Mats Lindgren scored six goals as a New York Islander.

January 21, 1999:

The Anti-Milbury Brigade has reached an all-time low.

Add Islanders sportswriter Marc Berman to the list, and about 12,000 Islander fans. Last night at Nassau Colosseum, as the Isles got spanked for the 11th straight time, this time by the Panthers, chants of "Mike Must Go!" echoed through the building. It absolutely amazes me how people can blame a coach before they even look at the players.

Ok, fine MJM. Let’s not blame Coach Milbury. We should blame the dumbass that assembled this underperforming team. Oh wait! They are one in the same!

…Milbury fired himself later that day. Milbury Brigade 5, Anti-Milbury Brigade 1

January 17, 1999: Leave it to the Islanders to be on the losing side of a game that sees only one goal scored through the entire night.

The Isles were back in Florida last night hoping to avenge themselves against the Panthers after a dismal 5-1 loss on Decemeber 28 (in which I was in attendance, thank you very much). Not only did the Isles lose the game again, but they also lost All-Star defenseman Kenny Jonsson again! My Lord, what is UP with this kid?! Anyways, he sprained his knee and could be out for the season, but, for some reason, the poor deluded Jonsson still thinks he's going to the All-Star game this weekend (*sigh* Must be the concussion still looming). Since the NHL has adopted this annoying North America vs. The World system for the All-Star game, Jonsson's replacement has to be an Easterner. My pick is for Robert Reichel. Speculation is that Mike will choose Zdeno Chara. It's well-known that Mike thinks very highly of him - though I can't understand why at all! I saw this big lug get pummelled on Decemeber 28 by about a dozen Panthers players half his size (6-9)!! PU-LEEZE!

I had to pick this one for so many reasons. First of all, let’s talk about the sad state of affairs going on here. The Isles all-star was going to be Kenny Jonsson with Robert Reichel as his back-up. The Isles just got shut out by the Florida Panthers to whom they would soon be trading their back-up goalie Roberto Luango. We’ll see how that pans out for them. Finally, I wonder if our dear friend MJM knows where Chara is now. Probably lending his 6’9” body to the circus or maybe staring in My Giant II. Or perhaps, he’s a perennial all-star who is in consideration for the Norris trophy every year. PU-LEEZE!

From the Milbury Quotes Page:

On Eric Fichaud after his NHL debut, a win:

-"He seems to have a competitive type of personality, and he's kinda cute."

Personally, I never really thought so, but whatever puts weight on your Mario, Mike....

Feel free to draw your own conclusions here…

"People think there is something wrong with Mike. But there's method in his madness." - Scott Lachance

“I don’t understand how a man who couldn’t make a good trade has any business analyzing other people’s trades.” – Stan Fischler

Ok with the said, I am going to go make me a Garth Snow Tribute site. Garth Snow: A Better Player and a Better GM

Also, check out the discussion of Milbury’s career as GM on the Isles’ wikipedia pages. It’s pretty comprehensive. You can’t miss his section, it’s called, “1995-2000: Management Issues”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_York_Islanders#1995.E2.80.932000:_Management_Issues

In closing, I will now list players who could have been Islanders or could have remained Islanders if not for Mr. Milbury’s shenanigans between 1999-2006. I refuse to include Heatley and Gaborick as I believe drafting DiPietro was not a bad decision.

Forwards: Tood Bertuzzi, Ziggy Palffy, Olli Jokienen, Jason Spezza,

Defensemen: Bryan McCabe, Bryan Berard (when he was good), Eric Brewer, Zdeno Chara

Goalies: Chris Osgood and Roberto Luongo

Front office/coaches: Neil Smith, Pat Lafontaine, Peter Laviolette

Respectfully submitted,
The guy who called Mike and the Mad Dog screaming after they had Milbury on the air.

Friday Chats: NHL Wrap-Up and Tiger Woods Can Go Suck on a Lemon

This week we're wrapping up the NHL Playoffs with a look back at our predictions, the Conn Smythe Winner, a few comments from Tiger Woods, and Joba's move to the starting rotation.

Let's start with a segment on Joba's move to the rotation, brought to you by Pemican Beef Jerky, Foxwoods Resort and Casino, and Red Man Smokeless Tobacco.

Net Crasher: …also known as Kyle Farnsworth’s weekend plans.

Game Misconduct: All right! We're back with another edition and it feels good! Joba's first start didn't last last as the team continues to monitor his pitch count. I tired to watch some of the game but it wasn't all that exciting so I gave up. Hearing and briefly reading about the start, it's been met with mixed results, and Johnny Damon is not happy about it saying that the Yankees bullpen was a strength with Farnsy in the 7th, Joba in the 8th, and Mo in the 9th. That's all well and good but when you're already losing before heading into the 7th, having those 3 really doesn't make a difference. What do you do to rectify the situation? I would leave Joba in as the set-up man and give Farnsy more innings, but thats's just so I could see him do this.

Net Crasher: Why does it have to be Farnsy or Joba? I don’t get it! Listen, in a perfect world you want your best pitchers to neutralize as many batters as possible. (That’s why I don’t really understand not putting Joba in the rotation at the beginning of the year.) Joba proved himself as an effective starter in the minors, and he even pitched well in spring training. He should have started the year as the #3 or #4 starter and if things got rocky then you slide him into the bullpen. That’s what the Yankees did with Mariano, and I think that turned out just fine. As for his replacement, Farnsy has shown he can be a lights out pitcher this year (more so than in years past) but still is way to inconsistent for the set-up roll. I think the Yanks should, first of all, try Ross Ohlendorf there. They keep using him in long relief, which is not his specialty. With a little more development of his fastball, Edwar Rameriez could also be a worthy choice. Farnsy may wind up getting it by default, but I still think he should have to win the job from Ohlendorf and Rameriez.

GM: Moving on to our NHL Wrapup, the Detroit Red Wings won their fourth Stanley Cup in 11 years in six games. I predicted it would be a close series going the full 7, with Detroit winning out in the end. I got the winner right, but this series really should have only gone five games. I didn't get to see too much of the series, but the games I did get to see, Detroit was absolutely dominant and Pittsburgh looked overmatched, much like the 1983 Oilers did against the Islanders. We all know that the year after being swept, the Oilers took the '84 Cup in five games, and the Islanders quickly faded into oblivion. I do see the Penguins making another run, but no dynasties like the Oilers, not in this salary cap era.

NC: You had to go there, Missy. You had to go pick on my Islanders. Well first of all, Messier was overrated, Leech was a tool, Beukeboom had a hilarious last name, and…hmmm…anything else? Oh yea, DiPietro will soon pass Richter as greatest American-born goalie. Alright, with that irrational, “fish sticks” rant outta the way…let’s actually make some good points about hockey. Games 1 and 2 were just scary. I was ready for Wings in 4 after the ridiculous performances of the Red Wings defensemen and Chris Osgood. One thing I saw from the Penguins is that they have a lot of fight in them for a young team. Their play in games 3 on showed a level of maturity you would not expect from a team of their experience. I agree with Misconduct that the Pens were simply outmatched. Both teams prided themselves in being deep (Adam Hall of the Pens did well centering their 4^th line) but the Red Wings had more skill in their depth. Throughout the playoffs, their second defense pair of Kronwall and Stuart had +16 and +15 ratings respectively, and Kronwall had an absurd 15 assists! Similarly, forwards like Jiri Hudler (13 pts) and Mikael Samuelson (14 pts) were able to find the net. It will be interesting to see if both teams will be able to retain enough talent to make it back the final next year.

GM: Certainly a sign of good things to come. My big question is well these teams stay together. The Pens will see

NC: Yeah, we will see.

GM: Oh, we will.

NC: Ok…I guess there is only one thing left to do…see!

GM: Anyway…

GM: This year's Conn Smythe winner was Henrik Zetterberg sponsored by Ikea and their delicious Swedish meatballs, let's call him Zed. This really could have gone to a number of Red Wings players because they are such a complete team. This would have been icing on an extremely sweet cake for Chris Osgood who was the back-up to Dominik Hasek until mid-way through the first round. Pavel Datsyuk was sublime, Tomas Holmstrom has a gigantic hockey butt, and Nik Lidstrom is Nik Lidstrom. One of the greatest defenseman of all time, Lidstrom became the first European to lead his team to the Stanley Cup. At this point, we're so used to Nik being the perfect defenseman that giving him hardware just doesn't do him justice.

NC: You know, GM, I am starting to think you have a little bit of a man crush on Mr. Lindstrom. We just got a letter from him asking for you to stop sending him naked pictures. But yea, Lindstrom is pretty damn good. Almost Dennis Potvin good (yea, just one more plug for my Isles!) The entire Red Wings blue line probably would have been worthy recipients, as Lindstrom was not along in strong defense play. Especially in the Finals, when Rafalaski and Kronwall were finding the net (albeit in Kronwall’s case it was the wrong net). With an honorable mention to Osgood (who played behind the aforementioned Wings defense), I think Zed is the obvious choice. He led the playoffs in points, goals, and plus/minus. He also effectively neutralized Sidney Crosby, as Babcock starting matching his first line with the Pens first line. (Which seems brilliant but then you realize Zed and Datysuk are both Selke Finalists).

GM: Finally, Tiger Woods had a few choice words for the NHL Playoffs saying, "I don't really care. Let's talk about the Dodgers," the California native said. "I don't think anybody really watches hockey anymore." There are a few things I'd like to say about this. First, Tiger is the world's most popular golfer and one of the most recognizeable athletes on the planet, for him to say something like this means it's not all sunshine and roses for Gary Bettman & Co. Sure the owners are making money and TV ratings are going up, but the NHL is still a long ways away from the other top sports in America. Secondly, for a man who keeps his character so well in check this is completely out of character for Mr. Woods. I'm not surprised he doesn't follow hockey, but to say something like that, I'm sure his publicist and image coordinator or whatever assistant he has will steer him clear of any hockey related events or topics of discussion. With every hockey player hitting the links over the summer he better watch his back or else Mike Milbury is going to beat him with his golf spikes.

NC: Milbury is damn serious too. He is quoted as saying, “"Keep your yap shut, Tiger, or I'll send a couple of wingers down there - [Pens forward] Gary Roberts - to tidy you up a little bit, meat head." Now, I know Milbury doesn’t know much about hockey, and I guess he thinks he is coaching the Pens, but I would take that seriously or as Misconduct said, he is going to get a soft-spike to the face. I guess Tiger was trying to sound clever, funny, candid...I don’t really know, but that definitely has to hurt the league. Especially in the midst of one of the highest rated series of the last ten years. Hockey still has a long way to go and comments like this should show the commissioner’s office that there is no time for complacency in expanding the league’s viewership. The NHL has gotta get back on ESPN and fast. It was absurd that games 1 and 2 were on Versus.

Well Misconduct left town for the weekend…something about him third-wheeling Lindstrom’s day with the Stanley Cup… so I guess I’ll just wrap this one up myself. Have a good one y’all. And Misconduct, if do get past Lindstrom’s restraining order…just try not to pull an Yzerman.

He Will Literally Tear Your Face Off

Finishing up our list of players less productive than Bobby the Bear, who is currently in negotiations with the Toronto Maple leafs because of his fierce play in the corners and goal scoring prowess:

5. Alexander Karpovstev- The Russian defenseman won a Cup with the Rangers in 1994, then was most notably traded by the Maple Leafs for Brian McCabe. McCabe just barely missed out on this list. I’d write something witty here, but I’ll let Pat Foley, Blackhawks’ announcer do the talking, “We’ve got Bryan McCabe for Dean Martin!”


4. Brett Lindros- Baby Lindros (aren’t they all?) drafted 9th overall in 1994 because he was the younger brother of Eric was supposed to lead the Islanders into the 21st century. Instead, he played a total of 51 NHL games, as the Islanders and a lot of other teams passed on players like Chris Drury, Patrick Elias, Marty Turco, Daniel Alfredsson, and Steve Webb. Yikes.

3. Patrick Stefan- In what was a fairly poor 1999 Entry Draft (Pavel Brendl anybody?), Stefan was King Bust. Drafted first overall by the expansion Thrashers Stefan failed to live up to his expectations due to injuries and lack of talent. As a member of the Dallas Stars, Stefan’s career was encapsulated in this one play:

2. Alexandre Daigle- Another first overall pick, this time from the 1993 Draft ahead of Pronger, Kariya, and the heralded Hal Gill. Daigle signed an enormous contract and coasted through his time in Ottawa. Daigle is quite possibly the biggest bust in NHL history as a first overall pick because of his staggering junior statistics and the number of teams’ management he gave headaches. Daigle was a primadonna in the worst sense of the word and after years of futility finally left the NHL in 2006.

1. Alexei Yashin- If you don’t know why, please ask my esteemed colleague, Mr. NetCrasher. I’m sure he’s got a few things to say about Yashin.

Dis-Honorable Mention: Tom “Bleeping” Poti, Martin Havlat (is he ever healthy), Bryan McCabe (because Leafs fans absolutely hate him), and Marek “Harry/FrankenMalik” Malik

A Dozen Uses for the Stanley Cup

With the Stanley Cup on its way to Detroit, I thought we should maybe recount some of the great situations Lord Stanley’s hardware has found itself. Remember, players are given the opportunity to take the cup home with them for a day. Now that the Cup was a security team, the shenanigans have been taken to a minimum.

So Buzz Bissinger doesn’t come after me, here are my sources. Check’em out here and here. Also, in Kevin Allen’s Why is the Stanley Cup in Mario Lemieux's Pool?

12. Mario Lemieux and Patrick Roy went swimming with it. I hope they gave the cup some swimmies.

11. Attempt to drop kick it over the Rideau Canal in Ottawa and fail like the 1907 Ottawa Silver Seven. It was just a bowl back then

10. The 1940 New York Rangers pissed in it beginning a tradition of being the most classless organization in hockey.

9. Joel Stein used it to get a table at the Four Seasons

8. Bryan Trottier slept with it. "I wanted to wake up and find it right beside me,” he reportedly said. I hope he bought it a drink first.

7. Put your dad’s name on it like 1984 Oilers owner Peter Pocklington. This would never have happened if the Isles won their 5^th straight.

6. Steve Yzerman showered with it

5. Kristen Bell would take a sponge bath with it.

4. In 1987, Mark Messier brought it to a strip club. No surprise he was soon traded to the Rangers where he did it again in 1994.

3. Eddie Olczyk allowed 1994 Kentucky Derby winner, Go for Gin eat oats from it, and 1980-1983 winner Clark Gillies let his dog eat out of it.

2. Brian Noonan of the Rangers brought it to the MTV Beach House where it served oysters. He would not have been let in otherwise.

1. Stefan Lefebrve had his son baptized in the Cup. Keep you eyes open for a younger Lefebrve – I would not want to drop the gloves against someone with the Big Guy on his side.

A couple more, which haven’t been done yet...

Take the Cup to Messier’s house and see where the night takes you.

Make it the “Bonus 11^th Cup” in Beer Pong.

Take it to Kristen Bell’s

Run away to a remote Island with it.

Bring it to the Islander’s front office and remind them of what it looks like

Hit Mike Milbury in the face with it.

Eat 5 boxes of Kraft Mac and Cheese from it

Walk through an airport metal detector and say, “It must be my belt.”

Add Wolf “The Dentist” Stansson to the 1928-1929 Bruins and see if anyone notices.

See if Brian Noonan every left the MTV Beach House. I suspect he is still in there or at least what is left of it.

Don Cherry’s Running Out of Jackets!

Maybe every playoff game should go to three overtimes that would have to be good for ratings. I’ve heard from a couple of non-hockey fans that they tuned-in last night and could not turn it off. All I could say is, “Yes, I told you it’s a beautiful game.” Although, I guess once you hit the third OT things do tend to get a little sloppy. (Then, Sykora rips a nasty dangle beating Osgood on the short side).

So, the Pens live to fight another day. Like any emotional win, game 6 could really go one of two ways for Crosby and Co: Either the momentum has swung to the Pens who will continue to play inspired hockey or the emotion drain of a 3OT game could get the best of them and they could come out flat. Let’s sure hope it’s the former, as the NHL’s dream match-up is getting all the attention it deserves. Especially with the NBA finals not until Thursday, all eyes can be on Game 6. According to ESPN, viewership of the finals is way up with Game 3 drawing 4 millions views compared to 1.7 last year. The Red Wings even beat out the Pistons run in the Eastern Conference Championship among Detroit viewers.

Last night’s game really had everything you could hope for in a game: a last minute desperation goal, a number of exciting odd-man rushes, an absolutely acrobatic performance out of Marc Andre Fleury, and great physical play. Here are a couple thoughts about the game:

- Kudos to the refs. During the game, I thought there may have been some questionable calls and non-calls. But as things came down to the wire, the refs let’em play, which made for an exciting ending. Of course, the high sticking call on Hudler had to be called.

- I agree with Don Cherry. That might have been one of the greatest playoff goaltending performances I have ever seen. J.S. Giguere and Marty Brodeur in the 2003 playoffs were right up there as well. 58 saves for Fleury!

- What a snipe by Sykora

- Adam Hall got lucky again. First he puts one off of Osgood’s rear-end and now he passed one to Kronwall who roofs it on his own goalie. A goal is still a goal. It wound up being the difference in the game.

- Even in defeat, Babcock’s system looked good. The deliberate cycles in the offensive zone, quick skating in the neutral zone, and stingy collapses in the defense zone was so very impressive. It’s been said way too many times but this really is Red Army hockey. (Anyone else catch the “This is your time!” Herb Brooks/Kurt Russell quote played over the Red Wings PA?)

- Speaking of the PA, give the Wings credit for some credit music selection. How cool was “Don’t Stop Believing” when they turn off the sound and the fans yell, “Born and raised in South Detroit!”

- Credit to Therrien for balancing his lines. Losing Malone and Gonchar (and then getting them back) probably forced him to rethink his offensive lines and his defensive pairings. Also, with young skaters who were clearly gassed by 3OT, Therrien knew to switch things up. And how bout his power play line? Hossa-Crosby-Malone with Malken and Gonchar at the point.

- Gonchar and Malone are warriors.

- Nik Lindstrom is unstoppable – 45 mins of TOI. (Rafalski is damn good too)

- If Datsyuk’s shot off the crossbar went in….damn…that’s just nuts

- Don Cherry beat me to this point too, but Holmstrom is gonna need a big game for the Wings. His work in front of the net is really the only way to foil the absurdity that is Marc Andre Fleury.

- The Pens still need a prayer to win this series…let’s at least hope it goes 7!

Friday Chats: Cat Boxing, The London Silly Nannies, and the NHL's Best Dressed

GM: So Michael Vick gets vilified for running a dog fighting ring, but things like this are deemed adorable? I personally would love to see some animal boxing going on. Maybe some sort of professional circuit, it’s got to turn out better than “Rocky Balboa.” Yes, what Vick did was deplorable, but it’d be like battlebots without the nerds, or just a different kind of nerds, sort of like Kung Fu Panda without the voice over acting. Skadoosh.

NC: That cat will mess you up. Do you see the intensity and determination that it trains with? If only Allen Iverson had that kind of work-ethic. The only thing people like more than kittens is kittens dressed up in funny costumes. Putting some sparring gear on some felines and have’em go at it. Is Mills Lane available?

Let’s switch gears to the National Football League. Tickets went on-sale for the Cheerio Bowl (let’s hope that name sticks) at Wembley Stadium in London. This year the Chargers and Saints will travel across the pond to square off on the famous pitch. My question to you Miscondcut is should the NFL continue to have regular season games in the UK? And can Wembley’s pitch handle the likes of Lorenzo Neal and Antonio Gates?

GM: One game of ticket sales is great and all, but didn’t NFL Europe just fold? I understand having gimmick games, once a year, similar to the NHL’s Winter Classic, but in a 16 game season, having teams travel across the ocean just for one week seems silly. Then again, with the economy heading in its current direction it’s probably great for the league and the owners to be making some money in Euros or Pounds. This is clearly a great business move, but hurts the American fans because many miss out on the home game that is sacrificed. Now, playing a preseason game, or removing a preseason game and having a 17 game schedule wouldn’t be such a bad idea…

NC: It seems to make good business sense. Wembly’s 81,000 seats are projected to be sold out again and the game draws great revenue. From a football stand-point, the game provides great international exposure for the game, which could perhaps spring up more appeal for the game abroad. The other major sports (especially hockey and baseball) heavily draw on international sources of talent. This not only creates more opportunities for revenue but increases the competitiveness of the sport. The international flight is a bummer, Wembly’s pitch, as we have seen, can prove to be not quite as durable as an NFL field, and a team sacrificing a home game could be costly, but all in all, bringing football to the international stage is a good idea.

GM: I see it as a great business opportunity, but I don't imagine the NFL catching in Europe at the same popularity it has in the States. Think of how many people at last year's game were American expats… it was probably a very large percentage. I don't see the NFL going into Europe permanently, like I said once a year is probably the most they'll do. But being the most successful of the major pro sports in America means they know what they're doing and think through their decisions… Hello Houston Texans! With the different field conditions, players are probably more susceptible to injury, but the players' union obviously agreed to this venture, and they've never let the players down right? At least not while they're still in the league.

NC: I don't think anyone is calling for the inclusion of the London Silly Nannies into the NFL. Having one regular season game where teams can truly show off how competitive and how intense the sport is would do well to develop football at the grassroots. Once players are developed in foreign countries, they make their way to the NFL. Just like in the other major sports.

GM: So we both agree that one regular season game a year is great for the league, the future ramifications are where we disagree. I see Europeans embracing it as well as we have embraced the MLS. The league is clearly growing, but it will never be a powerhouse like the NFL.

NC: Yea, “European American Football” (first thing’s first, that name needs to be shortened) is not even along as far along as the MLS. But it’s all about grassroots. The only way to develop a successful professional league is develop young players to one day play at this high level. Like you mentioned, the MLS is doing wonders for soccer's grassroots. Who knows, maybe one day the football world championship will be played between the winner of the US league and the winner of the European league?

GM: That's an intriguing possibility, but it's very far off. I would like to see some sort of Global Championship in a lot of sports, similar to the UEFA Champions League, but with regular season, playoffs, and international competitions that opens up the possibility for players having to play possibly 150 games. That’s a lot of travel and wear and tear on their bodies unless leagues are willing to cut down on regular season games. But then owners are potentially losing revenue from home ticket sales.

NC: An event “bigger than the World Cup, World Series, and World War II combined?” I like it! Alright, let’s wrap things up with the plight of Barry Melrose. Melrose, of course, is the only surviving analyst since ESPN’s “great purge” of hockey coverage after the lock out. Now that Don Cherry has joined the coverage (even if it is for 5 minutes a week), Melrose has officially become the second-best dressed and this seems to bother him, as he may jump ship to coach in Tampa. Misconduct, what do you think of Tampa switching Tortarella for the best mullet in the business?

GM: I’m on the fence about this one. I love Barry the analyst for his gimmicks and the Hockey Falls commercials, but Barry the Coach hasn’t coached in the League since 1994-95. That’s a long time to be out of coaching. Torts is a great coach but his schtick has probably worn thin in Florida, and their losing season was probably the nail in the coffin, but he’s got a ring and Vinny Lecavalier’s (now the face of the franchise) success to take to his next interview. Back to Melrose…This is probably new owner Oren Koules wanting to put his own stamp on the team and more publicity. With Steven Stamkos, Vinny, and Marty St. Louis the team will be fun to watch, but until they find a competent goaltender and some roster depth, this team will be just as bad as they were last year. But a team built around Stamkos, Vinny, and John Tavares or Victor Hedman (next year’s top players) seems pretty enticing. Melrose or not, this team will struggle. But he would definitely bring notoriety to the team. Whether or not he can still coach is another issue.

NC: It’s an interesting spot for Tampa. I think Torterella will quickly find a new home. He is a great coach and, of course, has the resume to prove it. I agree, Tampa is certainly rebuilding and will need a few seasons to develop its young talent. Unloading Brad Richards at the deadline made this very clear. Tampa should be looking for a coach that is solid with young player development. I wonder if Melrose is the guy for that? He had a lot of success in WHL and AHL (won the Calder Cup in 1992) with young players. He then had a mixed career in the NHL. He took the Kings to the Stanley Cup finals and then had two losing seasons before being replaced. I say we give Barry the benefit of the doubt. He certainly knows the game well and has had some success as a coach. It will be interesting to see how much latitude he gets from the new ownership and how short of a leash he will have with this rebuilding team.

The Farnsworth Chronicles: Go East, Flamethrower

“There’s got to be something I can do to turn this shit show around. We got We got old man Torre sleeping through games, Jeter trying to keep up with that Wright kid, Boras parading A-Rod all over the place, and Jeter is too busy turning B-list celebrities into A-list gossips. The only people with someone going for them are those two Japanese guys,” Farnsy thought as he ast in his locker room after the 2007 Yankees’ exit interviews.
He sat up from the stall put his good luck t-shirt in his bag and walked to the parking lot. “I’ve got too much talent to be sitting behind Joba, if that kid had a Gatorade deal they’d give him his own flavor called ‘fire-water’ if you know what I’m saying.” Farnsworth climbed into his Ford F-350 and called dialed Duncan.
“You got Dunc’d.”
“Yo! Shells, I got a great fucking idea for this offseason. I think I figured out how those crazy Japs do it. We gotta become mother fucking samurai, man. It all came to me in a dream with Tom Cruise and that guy from Batman with the crazy mustache. The white folks were all like we’re going to take over the Japan, and the other guys were like no way man, and there were swords and guns and, oh man it was fucking rad.”
“Dude, you’re talking about that movie, ‘The Last Samurai.’ But that is still a great fucking idea. If Igawa and Matsui can do it, we could own that place. And God Damn you know how I love me some Asian women; I got the Yellow fever so bad I’m sweating just thinking about it.”
“All right, rock on. Let’s do this shit!”

"So I jump ship in Hong Kong...": The Week in Movie Quotes

Like an egregious make up call it’s time for some random musings of the last week to catch us all up. Let’s do it with some movie quotes.

The Red Wings Shutout the Pens…Twice

Herb Brooks: The Soviets win because they take that talent and use it inside a system that's designed for the betterment of the team.
Miracle (2004)

John Buccigross’ comparison of the Red Wings to the Red Army is a good one. We saw just how effective the Red Wing’s system was in games one and two. Osgood was solid in goal but was not all that tested with the Red Wings defense, anchored by Lindstrom, holding the Pens to 19 and 22 shots in the two games respectively. They killed thirteen straight penalties and even notched a short handed goal. On offense, 6 players combined for the Wings 7 total goals (each had at least one assist).

Disputed Home Run Call(s)

Robin Hood: Blinkin! What are you doing?
Blinkin: Guessing. I guess no one's coming.
Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993)

It was the week of missed home runs calls and its become more obvious to me than ever that its time for instant replay in baseball. After Delgado’s missed home run, fans could see that it clearly was a fair ball before Willie Randolph and Joe Girardi reached the umpire to argue. Take a page from the NHL (just one page though, please) and institute video review for home run calls only. It’s a slippery slope some say. What about trapped balls? What about balls and strikes? They can equally have an affect on the game. This may be true, but the NHL has made it work (and they too have had issues with game times). There are penalties that are not penalties and pucks that may have deflected out of play. These plays also can affect the outcome of the game, but fans and players understand that the line must be drawn somewhere. For the NHL, it’s goal or no goal. For the MLB, it should be home run or no home run. Buster Olney gives some great insight as to how the system could work here.

NCAA Lacrosse Championship: Wicked Awesome

Oliver Queenan: We have a question: Do you want to be a cop, or do you want to appear to be a cop? It's an honest question. A lot of guys just want to appear to be cops. Gun, badge, pretend they're on TV.
The Departed (2006)

Being in Boston, you just have to do some Departed lines. It’s amazing the staties really do have the thickest accents. While trying to J-walk after the semi-finals game on Saturday, the statie asked me and the boys, “What is this frog-ah?” Funny stuff. Anyway, the Johns Hopkins B-team who was 0-5 this year showed up and Syracuse showed them who was boss to win the national championship. Syracuse’s intense play combined with Hopkins’ countless mistakes gave ‘cuse an easy win. Credit ‘cuse and Hopkins for great games in the semi-finals both pulling upsets against favorites Virginia and Duke. Also, credit Duke fans for chucking a Diet Coke at my head.

The Yankee Enigma Continues

Bruce Wayne: How about Mr. E.?

Alfred Pennyworth: Mystery.

Bruce Wayne: And another name for mystery?

Alfred Pennyworth: Enigma.
Bruce Wayne: Mr. E. Nygma. Edward Nygma.
Batman Forever (1995)

That’s pretty much what it comes down to for the Yankees. Derek Jeter is off to a good year offensively and then plays the worst came of his career against Baltimore on Tuesday. Jason Giambi is flirting with the Mendoza line and then hits not one but two balls into the Chesapeake Bay. The Yanks sweep the Mariners and then nearly get swept by the Orioles. Joba Chamberlin is getting converting to a starter and Ian Kennedy hits the 15 day DL. Ladies and gentlemen, I am out of answers.

Sidney Crosby Strikes Back

Phil Weston: Don't be afraid to throw the elbow. lf you break someone's collarbone, that’s a good thing.
Kicking and Screaming (2005)

The Pens finally came to play in game 3, and it made for a great game. The intensity was unmatched. There were over 20 hits by my count, 6 of which may have happened over a period of three minutes. The Pens finally abandoned the dump and chase method that wasn’t working and started attacking Chris Osgood. The Red Wings defense is good, but its hard to make a play when Crosby, Hossa, and Dupuis are streaking up the ice at you. The Pens goal scoring was not always pretty, they were able get in close and get the puck across the line. Crosby’s first goal was a great example of this.

The Booing Ban

Michael: Fredo, you're my older brother, and I love you. But don't ever take sides with anyone against the Family again. Ever.
The Godfather (1972)

It was reported that Cubs management instructed security guards to have no tolerance for those booing or cursing Cubs left fielder Alfonso Soriano. The Cubs deny this claim, stating that ballpark rules have not changed. C’mon! How does someone make something like that up!? Maybe if Soriano didn’t blow the game for the Cubs on Sunday such measures would not have to be taken.