Saturday, May 31, 2008

The Farnsworth Chronicles: Go East, Flamethrower

“There’s got to be something I can do to turn this shit show around. We got We got old man Torre sleeping through games, Jeter trying to keep up with that Wright kid, Boras parading A-Rod all over the place, and Jeter is too busy turning B-list celebrities into A-list gossips. The only people with someone going for them are those two Japanese guys,” Farnsy thought as he ast in his locker room after the 2007 Yankees’ exit interviews.
He sat up from the stall put his good luck t-shirt in his bag and walked to the parking lot. “I’ve got too much talent to be sitting behind Joba, if that kid had a Gatorade deal they’d give him his own flavor called ‘fire-water’ if you know what I’m saying.” Farnsworth climbed into his Ford F-350 and called dialed Duncan.
“You got Dunc’d.”
“Yo! Shells, I got a great fucking idea for this offseason. I think I figured out how those crazy Japs do it. We gotta become mother fucking samurai, man. It all came to me in a dream with Tom Cruise and that guy from Batman with the crazy mustache. The white folks were all like we’re going to take over the Japan, and the other guys were like no way man, and there were swords and guns and, oh man it was fucking rad.”
“Dude, you’re talking about that movie, ‘The Last Samurai.’ But that is still a great fucking idea. If Igawa and Matsui can do it, we could own that place. And God Damn you know how I love me some Asian women; I got the Yellow fever so bad I’m sweating just thinking about it.”
“All right, rock on. Let’s do this shit!”


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